Essay I wrote for class after visiting Desert Botanical Gardens

“We are Part of Where we Come From”

     As Forrest Shreve (researcher,author,and teacher) said back in 1938, “ Our work,our thinking, our lives, our culture and social activities are shaped by the influences of the country in which we reside. Arizonans are a desert people.” I guess being born and spending my first twenty years here make me a desert person. Visiting the Desert Botanical Gardens for the first time in years, reminded me just how much of my past resides in Arizona.

     I've been back in the desert for almost a year and a half now and have had a hard time relating to it. I have been angry with the extra hot weather this year and failed to enjoy the purple,pink, and orange sunsets we are blessed with or the clear blue skies on breezy gorgeous days. Right now, one afternoon alone in nature brought to mind where I came from and where I currently am. Shreve's tells us, “The most significant lesson that desert dwellers can learn... is to regard themselves not as exiles from some better place, but as people at home in an environment to which life can be adjusted.”

     I was brought back to my faith in God by a conversation between two girls that could not have been older than six, talking about how god will protect you and keep his arms around you. It was here in the desert that I first learned of God and today I recalled how it has been lacking in my life recently.

As well, a walk through the amphitheater sparked a passion in me that has been dormant for a few months. I imagined I was presenting desert animals(specifically one of the Harris hawks I work with at the zoo) to an audience. I was happy educating guests again. Our show at the zoo has been canceled due to construction causing me to feel bored and unfulfilled. Simply the new location and beautiful surroundings is enough to pull me out from within.

     While walking the path I stumbled across two giant Cardon cacti provoking me to feel so small and thrown off guard. A sign read: Everything you need to know about life can be learned from plants. I can't help but agree. Quails forage for food, a hummingbird pollinates a baja fairy duster, and life in the desert goes on as usual. It is always good to be reminded just how insignificant we are in the bigger picture of things.

     All of these feelings just confirmed what had been there all along. Arizona, the desert, is a part of who I am and where I come from. This trip became less about nature and wholly about who I was as a person-past,present,and future. It will always be a strong reflection to look back at where I was going. It helped shape my work, my life, and my thinking. My past affects who I am today and where I will go in the future, and the country in which I reside helped shape that past.

2nd Essay for my Personal & Creative Writing Class

“Like Mother, Like Daughter”

     Everybody has one. Despite if they like them or not, they will always be a part of who they are. Everyone relates to them differently too. I'm talking about our mothers (of course). Luckily my relationship with my mom fits the lifelong saying, “ Like mother, like daughter.” We have our many similarities and differences, but we definitely relate to each other.

     Mary Ellen Perkins was born Dec.24^th,1961 in Watertown, NY. She was born into a family of mom, dad, and four older brothers. Her father passed away when she was only eighteen and all her brothers were already moved out and in relationships, due to an age gap. She attended Veterinarian Technician school in upstate NY before packing her things and following two of her brothers out to Arizona. Here she met her future husband, Mark Daniel Kramb, and had two children; the second of which was me. After only five years they got a divorce and my mom took on the challenge of raising children as a single mother.

     I have always considered my mom to be my hero. In elementary school my teachers would force me to take my papers about my mom home to share with her. In middle school, a mother's day poem I wrote ended up being published in a book. She always put us kids above everything, especially herself. She worked two, sometimes three jobs to make sure we could have nice things and she could keep her head above water. Even though my dad sometimes refused to pay child support, she never kept him from seeing us on 'his' weekends. We got to live the same lives of most of our friend's 'two parent families'.

     As most teenagers do, we had a falling out while I was in high school. I wanted so much to communicate with her, but we were both always in different places. My mother remarried when I was almost eighteen, making it even harder for us to find any common ground. I did not like my stepfather and he did not tolerate me. He always had to be in charge of every situation and household decision being made. He also did not care for animals the way we did and began banning them from areas of the house that had always been open domain. I absolutely hated when she took his side in a disagreement. I found plenty of ways to rebel and places to stay to keep me from having to go home.

     It wasn't until I moved out of the house that we were able to connect again. We would meet up for weekly lunch or movie dates. By not having my step dad around when we were together, we no longer had the awkward tension. It was as if no bad feelings had ever been there. We did everything and became best friends. My mom was now also able to take my side and support me without her controlling husband finding out. It changed everything to know that my mom would still choose me.

     A lot of things changed after my mom got remarried. Her and her husband decided to take a new religion, bringing about even more changes. She gave up drinking, became a total vegan, started pushing her new religion on me, and was no longer as spontaneous as she used to be. All these sudden changes limited the things we had in common, but we were able to continue our close relationship.

     Although my mom did not agree with some of the things I did, she stayed one hundred percent supportive of me. In 2008 I moved out to California for school. My mom and step dad helped me move out there. It was the first time I would ever be more than a half an hour away from my mother. Her departure was a very sad time. The next two years were very trying. I was in a tough school program, but only able to see my mom once a year. We talked on the phone as much as possible and I received lots of supportive cards and care packages in the mail.

     We continue to live far away and are only capable of visiting yearly. The strong relationship we have built over the years keeps us close and continually growing in our friendship. She is going to take my cats this winter and care for them while I go out and travel Europe. She has the same love of animals as I do and wishes she would have done all the same stuff I am doing when she was my age. My mother is the only person I trust one hundred percent.

     A mother's job is never done. A mother will continue to take care of and support you your entire life. Everybody has one; I was lucky enough to get a best friend out of mine. She is a huge part of who I am (as a person). She is my hero, protector, confidant, role model, and so much more. I would not be the same without her and would be completely lost with her not around. We have our similarities and we have our differences, which will always continue to change. One thing that will never change is the continually growing bond between mother and daughter.

Rough Draft of a BIO ESSAY for ENG217....constructive criticism?

Shayna Kramb

Bio Essay

11/03/2011

ENG 217

      I clearly remember the day I decided to eat again. Two months had gone by and I was finally feeling thin enough. It was my sixteenth birthday and my family would be taking me out to dinner. I would not be able to avoid eating or sneak away to throw up this time. It was the perfect time to put my eating disorder aside. At least I thought it would be that easy.

    During childhood I was a tad overweight. I was reminded every time I saw my dad and step-mom. I got comments such as,” Why are you eating again?” and “You're getting chubby.” Once I got to sixth grade I got a few inches taller and really thinned out. All I heard was,” You look so good” as well as “We knew you would thin out when you got taller.” It also did not help that my older brother teased me relentlessly about being fat.

     Sophomore year I gained a little bit of weight and completely lost it. I could not let myself get fat. So I did the quickest thing I knew how to lose a lot of weight; I stopped eating. I promised myself I would only do it until I had lost enough weight.

     The next two months were surprisingly easy. After a few days I did not think about wanting food. My mom worked two jobs, so it took her awhile to catch on. I would tell her my stomach hurt to get out of dinner. Once in awhile I would eat something small and than head to the bathroom and lock the door. I also did one thousand crunches a day and jogged in place in my room every free chance I got.

     I stayed thin for awhile with no problems, but after my first two years in college and different medications that caused weight gain, I had put on ten pounds! I was the heaviest I had ever been. I began working out ten hours a week and eating very healthy. I lost all the weight in three months and looked my best ever.

     Ever since I found out I had the to be what I wanted, I have been obsessed with staying lean. I am constantly concerned with how I look and upset with myself if I slack off and do not get to the gym.

     My eating disorder was seven years ago and it still follows me around today. Every morning when I am getting dressed I have to look at myself in the mirror. I compare my stomach to the day/week/month before and I am usually disappointed. Although I know I am not fat, in my eyes, I will never be skinny enough.

     Just because I have gone through something negative and am unsure if I will ever get out of my own mind, I hope to use this situation to do something good. I want to start an organization that teaches young girls to stay active and eat healthy rather than having image issues. Hopefully one day I can road block a lifelong battle for another girl,before it starts.

Lead Me- Sanctus Real

Is it bad that I don't feel any ties to AZ?

I have great friends, a great job, a great place to live...but every ounce of my being wants to leave.

I feel like it's time for a change.

I need to make a new life for myself, when the oppurtunity presents itself.

I've Never Done This Before...

I am completely new to this whole blogging thing.
 I am feeling not myself this week and exploring the idea of having a book published, so I figured I should get used to writing for complete strangers.
So....we will see how this goes!

I picked my name "Stuck in Ordinary" because I feel like I'm destined to do great things, however I am stuck in this very monotonous normal kind of life.

I tend to go through emotional stages where I really like myself at times and totally dislike me as a whole at others. I guess I am going through the downside of that emotional roller coaster right now. This week I have been having trouble sleeping, gaining weight, and just feeling very unattractive. I don't have a particular reason for feeling like this right now, but I do. I have a couple of choices to make myself feel "pretty" momentarily until this mood passes,yet they all have pros and cons...... I can 1) dye my hair a reddish brown color, 2) buy some new tops that don't make me feel fat, or 3) become a part time alcoholic. As I said, they all have there pros/cons, some more than others.

I'm going to go recruit blog friends now because it seems like that's how this thing works.